someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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