Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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