Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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