great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
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Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
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When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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