It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
