He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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