i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
