I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
