Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
