Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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