I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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