He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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