hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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