she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
