i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
