my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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