You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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