How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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