Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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