She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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