I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
