The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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