another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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