Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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