my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
