There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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