I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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