how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
