Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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