we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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