We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
