Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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