I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
