I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
