doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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