no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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