apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize