in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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