My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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