Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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