so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You don't make any sense
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