I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
