We're like a lot better than the average bears
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
