I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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