Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
