and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
