my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
