when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
