its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
