I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
