i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
