im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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