That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
