my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
