just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
