Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
