Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
