My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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