You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize