Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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