Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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