if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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