I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
