If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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