how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
