I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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