im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
