There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
