I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize