Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
