Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
