I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
