You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
