I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
