Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
